By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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