I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
