it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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