so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
