I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
