finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
