it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
