Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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