Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
