it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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