i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just googled if crying burns calories
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
