i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
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