she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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