How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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