I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So squirting runs in the family.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
