Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
