Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
