is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
