once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
