i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
