So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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