Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
