He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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