she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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