did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
