great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
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