We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
