Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a dog bed..
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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