I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
This baby is an asshole
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
