I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
