i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
