What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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