I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
