i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
