Your mouth is God's brothel.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize