But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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