Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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