I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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