if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
