is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
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So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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