Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I have tasted many bathrooms
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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