you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
