I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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