I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
