She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm passing your future prison.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
