did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
