well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
