Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
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