Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
