I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
