Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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