all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
