instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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