i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
