Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
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