they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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