I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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