She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
