Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
