I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
