why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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