We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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