Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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