Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
