dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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