Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The best revenge is premature balding
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
